Sunday, March 28, 2010

latest CID poor jokes : part 11

Charo aur IPL ki dhoom hai..

wah wah . . wah wah

Charo aur IPL ki dhoom hai..

ACP Pradyuman kehta hai "Daya ye Atmahatya nahi Khun Hain "

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Freddy ke sar pe 50000 ka loan hai....

Freddy ke sar pe 50000 ka loan hai.....

Abhijeet pata karo yeh CID wali shayari banata kaun hai !!!!

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Udti hui chidiya ko patthar naa maro......

Udti hui chidiya ko patthar naa maro......

Daya oaur Abhijit puri jagah chaan maaro...

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Khooni ne dikhaya Daya ko chaku.....

Khooni ne dikhaya Daya ko chaaku.....

"Thaare ko kya hua Anandi ke bapu?!!"

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Maa kehti hai beta so ja nahi to GABBAR aa jayega........

Maa kehti hai beta so ja nahi to GABBAR aa jayega........

ACP kehta Hai,
DAYA gadi tej chalao nahi to khuni bhag jayega.....

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Osama ka aatank america pe chaya tha

wah wah

gaur farmaiga Osama ka aatank america pe chaya tha ,

Iska matlab DAYA khoni balcony se aaya tha.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

khaane mein hai murgi ki haddi.....

wah wah...wah wah

khaane mein hai murgi ki haddi.....

daya bola ACP saab yeh hai khuni ki chaddi.....

------------------------------------------------------------------------

latest CID poor jokes : part 10

Aap hamesha khush rahe ye hamari duaa hai...

ACP Pradhyuman kehta hai..

khun isi ghar mein huaa hai!

------------------------------------------------------------

Humare aangan mein bhi ek chota saa phool khilega..

Daya sabut dhundho yahi kahi milega!

------------------------------------------------------------

Shaam ka suraj dhal chuka hai,

shaam ka suraj dhal chuka hai..

Oh my god sir, ye to mar chuka hai!

------------------------------------------------------------

Sawan aaye to phool khilega,

takdir mein jo likha wo milega

"Apni jagah se koi nahi hilega!

------------------------------------------------------------

KKR ka worst player is Laxmi ratan shukla,

KKR ka worst player is Laxmi ratan shukla.

Sir, Hamara Shaq sahi nikla!

------------------------------------------------------------

surf excel ne kaha daag hote hain achche

surf excel ne kaha daag hote hain achche

abhijeet pata lagao

ad me kutte ke tarah kyu bhaagte hain bachche!

------------------------------------------------------------

mickey mouse hai toh donald duck hai

mickey mouse hai toh donald duck hai

daya

mujhe maali nai watchman pe shak hai

------------------------------------------------------------

Daanto ko chamkane ke liye market me hain dher saare Paste.

Daanto ko chamkane ke liye market me hain dher saare Paste.

ACP bolta hai tarika lelo puri family ki LIE-DETECTOR TEST.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Mere best frnd ki biwi meri bhabi......

meri best frnd ki biwi meri bhabi......

kya Daya ke Qualis mein lagegi meri Activa ki chabi

------------------------------------------------------------

Thursday, March 25, 2010

latest CID poor jokes : part 9

ghumne se aata hai mazaa ..

ghumne se aata hai mazaa...

acp ne kaha tumhe to hogi maut ki sazaaaaa

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

lagi hain aag har taraf shor hai.....

lagi hain aag har taraf shor hai.....

acp ne kaha.....katil koi aur hai.....

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

students ko nai lagta examz se ab darr.....

wah wah

students ko nai lagta examz se ab darr......

ACP to abhijeet : ye suicide hai yah murder ????

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

dollar bhi chaiyye,pound bhi chaiyye.....

dollar bhi chaiyye,pound bhi chaiyye....

Abhijeet : khooni toh yahi kahi chupa hona chaiye..!!!!!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

chahe cricket ball ho ya footbal hum catch nahi karte,

chahe cricket ball ho ya footbal,hum catch nahi karte,

acp sahab ye fingerprints match nahi karte

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

devdas se milne gayi paro

devdas se milne gayi paro

fredricks tum joke mat maro!!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Paani ko freezer me rakhne se hota hai baraf....

Paani ko freezer me rakhne se baraf...

Abhijeet tum is taraf jao aur Daya tum us taraf.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dhoop bahut hai , Chata lagao ......

Dhoop bahut hai , Chata lagao ......

Yeh criminal kidhar chupa hai , Abhijeet pata lagao !!!!!!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Raat ke pehlu mein chand sitare chaye hai..

Raat ke pehlu mein chand sitare chaye hai..

Madam darwaza khol do hum C.I.D se aaye hai..

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

latest CID poor jokes : part 8

Acp says :case solve kaar na hain bara hi load

case solve kaar na hain bara hi load

ungli hilte rahegi kyun ki ye hain forevr vibration mode

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Balti bhaar pani mein doob ke maar jao

Balti bhaar pani mein doob ke maar jao

yeh kya policy hai bhai, sirf daya se hi darwaza todwao

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

haar waqt dimag ko kaam pe lagao

haar waqt dimag ko kaam pe lagao

darwaza fredricks se nehin Daya se todwao

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

yeh haseen vadiyaan aur khula aakash..

yeh haseen vadiyaan aur khula aakash..

MY GOD ! Abhijeet, Ek aur laash..

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

2012 mein duniya sarvanash hai ....

2012 mein duniya sarvanash hai .....

arre sir yahan pe to laash hai !!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Garmio ke mausam mein jee bhar k khelo

Garmio ke mausam mein jee bhar k khelo.

ACP Pradyuman says -Daya, in sabke fingerprint lelo..

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

chamche pe chamcha ,spoon pe spoon

chamche pe chamcha ,spoon pe spoon

abhijeet , dekho wahaan laga hai khoon

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

latest CID poor jokes : part 7

Arz hai

Behti hawa sa tha woh

udti patang sa tha woh

ACP Pradyuman kehta hai:

kahan gaya............ usse dhundoo

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bagal ke gaonme hai bahut sare kue

Bagal ke gaonme hai bahut sare kue

ACP bola kisine to dekha hoga khoon hote hue

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ful Khil gaye baharome , ghata chaa gayi

Wah Wah

Ful Khil gaye baharome , ghata chaa gayi

Dr. Salunke , Kya postmortom report aa gayi...??

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Arz Hai

Pyar karne walo ki sada hoti hai jeet

Wah Wah

Pyar karne walo ki sada hoti hai jeet

Khuni bhag raha hai , chalo pakadte hai Abhijeet.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ye zindagi hai ek moh maya

Wah Wah

Ye zindagi hai ek moh maya...........

Kuch to gadbad hai DAYA.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Arz kiya hai

Tu hai besharam , Tu hai Behaya

irshad , irshad

Tu hai besharam , Tu hai Behaya

Main hu ACP pradyuman Aur ye hai DAYA

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Na jaan na pehchan tu mera mehman

Wah Wah

Na jaan na pehchan tu mera mehman

Fready bola:
Sir , iss case ko hum solve karke he rahenge ,
bhale he kyu na chali jaye mere jaan

Saturday, March 20, 2010

latest CID poor jokes : part 6

phool khil gae baharon ghata chaa gaiiiiiiiii

Phool khil gae baharon ghata chaa gaiiiiiiiii

Dr salukhe kya postmartom report aa gai...

---------------------------------------------------------------

Gam - e - zindgi ne har dum aansu die hian

Gam - e - zindgi ne har dum aansu die hian

Sir,
lagta hai dono khoon ek hi aadmi ne kie hain

---------------------------------------------------------------

Karm karte raho….. Phal ki aapeksha mat karo…..

Wah Wah…….. Wah Wah

Karm karte raho….. Phal ki aapeksha mat karo…..

Wah Wah…….. Wah Wah

“Pata Karon Daya, Pata Karo” !!!

------------------------------------------------------------

Shanhjahan ne taj banwaya , akbar ne laal qila

Shanhjahan ne taj banwaya , akbar ne laal qila

Dhyaan se dekho abhijeet , wahan koi saboot mila ??

-----------------------------------------------------------

garmio k mausam mein jee bhar k khelo

garmio k mausam mein jee bhar k khelo

daya in sabke fingerprints lelo.....

---------------------------------------------------------

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Songs that CID team would sing

Daya: (inspired from allah ke bande):Toota toota ek darwaza aise toota..ki phir jood naa paaya..

Toda Toda maine usko aise toda ki phir jood naa paaya.

khada tha woh mere saamne

akar gira zameen par

splinters bache hinges bache woh naa bacha magar

ke cid ke officers hasade

cid ke officers

cid ke officers hasade

jo bhi ho kal phir aaoonga

Abhijeet: Hum kaale "heinnn" to kya hua dilwale "heinnn"(in his tone)

(Looks at Tarika) Hum tere tere tere chahne waale "heinnn"

Hum kaale "heinnn" to kya hua dilwale "heinnn

tarika(singing at abhijeet): mera naam chin chin chu
raat chandni mein aur tu hello mr how do you do?

acp(getting irritated and singing): ( song from hum kisi se kum nahi):Yeh Kya Ho Raha Hai Yeh Kya Ho Raha Hai
Yeh Kya Ho Raha Hai ?

abhi and tarika together: Pyaar Pyaar Pyaar Pyaar Pyaar Ho Raha Hai

Dr. Salunkhe
(singing at acp and pointing at the laash) : ( song from raja hindustani)
puchcho jara puchcho mujhe kya hua hai?
zeher se mara hai ya chaku se mara hai.
tumse faansi lagvani ki saza hai
acpji tumse faansi lagvani ki saza hai

ACP (looking at the dead body and singing at salunkhe and also ungli hilate hue):( song from AMAR PREM):

ye kyaa huaa?, kaise huaa?, kab huaa?
kyo huaa?, jab huaa, tab huaa

Fredericks: Koi Bole Mujhe
Aaja Aaja Handsome
Koi Bole Mujhe
Hai Hello Samson
Koi Bole
Tu Chikna Hai Bada
Koi Bole
Tujhmein Bada Hai Dam

Main Sabh Se Boloon
Ek Hi Baat
Ek Ladki Bhai Mere Saath
Soney Jaise Baal Hain Uske
Chandi Jaisa Tan
Woh Hai Woh Hai Woh Hai
Woh Hai Meri Biwi No. 1

Tasha : Mujhe Kuch Kehna Hai
Mujhe Kuch Kehna Hai(As She Never Gets A Chance To Speak Anything)

vivek: nanha munna rahi hun desh ka sipahi hoon bolo mere sang
jai hind jai hind

CID Funny Pictures

what if daya retires from cid and becomes a salesman?? this would be the situation lol!!
daya: darwaza kholo!!
man: dekho agar tum koi saleman ho to nikal jaao yaha se. Humein kuch nahi chahiye!!
daya: kya kaha? abhi dekhta hoon tujhe!!

daya breaks the door open:(thaad)

man: yeh kya kiya tumne?

daya: chalo jald se jald koogle search engine jo humara search engine ka software hain woh aap khareed lijiye!!
customer: lekin mujhe aapka koogle nahi chahiye!!
daya: dekho agar tumne humare koogle ki beijjati ki toh mein aapke baaki darwaaze bhi tod doonga!! baad mein door ka insurance mat mangna samjhe!! chalo jald se jald khareed lo!!

man: (angrily): nahi loonga!!

daya: lagta hai tujhe mere bhasha mein convince karna padega!
pphhhaaaattttt!!!!

man(after closing his broken door and holding a cd of koogle in one hand and holding the other hand on his swollen cheek):
lagta hai aaj kal ke salesman kaafi agressive aur convincing ho gaye hai)

daya(after coming out of the housing society singing to himself):pocket mein rocket hai pocket mein!!

cid's famous search engine which gives information about anything and everything in the world including people who don't even exist lolBig smile

who would win the match between raising their eyebrows?? the rock or acp pradyuman??of course our acp the ungli waale baba!!
he wins the eyebrow raising contest by 3 inches!!

the condition of a door after daya's encounter with it!!

acp's hand explaining the right hand rule!!

acp giving a constipated look!!

acp: kuch to gadbad hai (with his right hand rule ) kuch to gadbad hai jaroor hai!!

freddy: ha sir pata nahi chal raha hai yaha pe kya hua hai

acp: freddy mein is room ke baare mein nahi mere pet(stomach) ke baare mein bol raha hoon!! mere pet mein kuch to gadbad hai.

CID ki shayari ka keher

Ajkal CID ki shayari ka keher hai,
Ajkal CID ki shayari ka keher hai,
Dr.Salunkhe ne bataya mout ka karan zeher hai

ACP:Meri gardan mein dard aur gale mein kharash hai,
Meri gardan mein dard aur gale mein kharash hai,
Oh my god daya yahan pe ek laash hai..

CID aur RAMGARH ke SHOLAY

Thakur ka khandaan ujaddne ke baad wo Gabbar ko pakadne ke liye CID ki madad maangta hai...

CID, apni purani khatara white SUV mein Ramgarh pahuchte hain. Gali gali mein sannata chhaya rehta hai, kyunki sab log Gabbar ke khauf se apne apne gharon mein chhup jaate hain.

Shaayad isiliye Raaaamlaaaal bhi kahin gaayab ho jaata hai.

ACP: Yahan itna sannata kyun hai bhai? Kuch to daal mein kaala hai, warna saare gaon wale yun doomdaba ke bhaag ke chhupte nahi.

Abhijit: Hain??? Lekin Sir...filmon mein to aksar yahi dikhate hain ki gaon wale darpok hote hai. Anjaan logon ke aate hi apne apne gharon mein chhup jaate hain. Toh phir...

ACP: Haan haan maalum hai. Abhijit, ab tum mujhe sikhaoge ki kya kehna chahiye?

Abhijit: Sorry Sir. Lekin sir, aisa bhi to ho sakta hai ki gaon walon ko lagta ho ki unhe humse kisi tarah ka khatra ho, isiliye koi nazar nahi aa raha.

Dayanand: Nahi sir, mujhe to lag sab logon ko pata hai hum CID se hain. Isiliye chhup rahe hain. Main abhi sab ke darwaze todd kar sabko bahar nikaalta hoon.

ACP (ungliyan ghoomate hue): Nahi Daya, itne darwaze toddne ki koi zarurat nahi. Aur waise bhi, yeh saare darwaze bahut kamzor hain. Inhe to Freddy bhi phoonk maar kar todd dega. Chalo pehle chal ke us thakur ki khabar lete hain.

CID wale jaake Thakur ke ghar ka darwaze knock karte hain.

Thakur: Kaauuun???

ACP (chhati chowdi karke): Hum log CID se hain!!!

2-3 minute baad bhi Thakur darwaza nahi kholta.

ACP: Yeh Thakur ko kya ho gaya. Bathroom mein phisal to nahi gaya. Abhijit kuch to gadbad hai. Kuch to gadbad zarur hai. Daya... darwaza todd do...

Daya-the-darwaza-todd-champion ACP ko niraash nahin karta.

ACP: To tum ho Thakur!!!

Thakur: Yeh to koi bachcha bhi bata sakta hai, mere kate hue haath dekh kar

ACP: To tumne darwaza isiliye nahi khola, kyunki tumhare haath nahi hain.

Thakur: Bewakufon se sawaal mat puchho. Mere haath salamat hote to main iss Saand Daya ko darwaza kabhi toddne nahi deta. Raaamlaaal bhi pata nahi kahan bhaag gaya.

ACP: Hmmm... Abhijit-Daya jao... pata lagao Thakur ke haath kaat kar iski yeh haalat kisne ki?

Thakur: Iski koi zarurat nahi. Mujhe pata hai.

ACP: Hmmm... Thik hai... Abhijit-Daya jao... pata lagao ki Raaamlaaal kahan gayab ho gaya? Kahin use kisine kidnap to nahi kiya. Arre Thakur ko raj-marra ke kaam karne mein takleef hoti hogi. Ab dhoyega-sukhayega kaun?

Thakur: Iski bhi koi zarurat nahi. Mujhe pata hai. Shyaam hone tak wo aa jayega apne aap.

Abhijeet: OK!!! Lekin humne suna hain ki yahan kisi daaku ne aatank faila rakha hai. Hainn?

Thakur: Ye gaon mera hain, aur us daaku se bhi, main hi niptunga.

ACP (ungliya hilate hue): Kaanoon apne haath me loge toh jail me chakki peesni padegi samjhe? Oh Sorry!!! Main to bhool hi gaya tha. Tumhare to Gabbar ne haath hi kaat diye hain.

Thakur: A.C.P.... muh aur ungliya sambhaal kar baat kar samjha???

Abhijeet: My gawwd... Sir ye to seedhe dhamki de raha hai.

ACP: Rehne do Abhijit, iske haath paav baandh ke ise bureau le chalo. Zaroor daal me kuch kaala hai. Oh Sorry!!! Main to bhool hi gaya tha. Tumhare to Gabbar ne haath hi kaat diye hain. Abhijit iske sirf pair baandho aur CID le chalo.

Thakur: ACP!!! Loha garam ho gaya hai lagta hai hathoda maarna padega.

Alright guys... you are good to go i guess... think wild and let the CID-like mind of yours produce a story which can force CID ppl to create an episode over it.
Rohit and Sumesh... loha garam hai maar do hathoda!!!

mein toh sirf iss darwaze ki chaabi dena chahta tha

Acp and his team arrive at a house

ACP : daya, darwaza tod do!

daya: ok sir...

Vivek: nahi sir ek min ruk jaayiye!

ACP: vivek tumhe kya freddy ki hawa lag gayi...? agar zara bhi der hui toh woh khooni ladki ko maarkar ...bhaag jayga..! to daya: ..jaldi todo daya

vivek: lekin sir...

ACP: vivek tum bahar jaao...
(daya breaks the door THAAD)

ACP: ( sees the lash )arre khooni apna kaam karke bhaag gaya

daya: humein aane mein der ho gayi sir..

ACP: yeh sab vivek ki wajah se hua hai darwaza tod ne mein der laga di usne...

yells at vivek:

dekha!! tumhari dakhalandazi ka nateeja?

vivek: but sir...... mein toh sirf iss darwaze ki chaabi dena chahta tha...!

CID VS Sunny Deol

Sunny (shouting on the top of his voice) : aaaayyyyyyeeeeee!!!!!!...tum mujhe aise arrest nahi kar sakte, mujhe mere papa se baat karni hai!!

Abhijeet : Papa se kyu baat karni hai??haeinnn??

Sunny : Tum shayad jaante nahi mere papa ko....kutto ka khoon peene mein expert hai!!

Fredrix : Sir, isse chhod do....mujhe to lagta hai iska baap vampire hai!!

ACP : chup raho fredrix nahi to naukri se haath dho baithoge......

Daya : Sach sach batao ki 29 taarikh ki raat ko tum kaha the??

Sunny : taarikh pe taarikh....taarikh pe taarikh....taarikh pe taarikh...main us taarikh ko apne farm house pe tha!!

Abhijeet : tumhari saari family sirf kutto ko hi target karti hai kya??...haeinnn?

Sunny : Zabaan sambhaalo....ye dhaai kilo ka haath jab kisipe padta hai, to aadmi uth ta nahi...uth jaata hai!!!

ACP : woh sab to thik hai, tumne balwantraai ke kutte ko mara....fir tumhara baap uska khoon pee gaya...kuch to gadbad zaroor hai!!

Daya : sir, mujhe lagta hai iske ghar pe raid marte hai...zaroor kutto ki haddiya milengi!

ACP : iske baap ko to hum baad mein dekhenge....pehle isse to nipat le!

Abhijeet : sach sach batao kyu mara tumne balwantraai ke kutte ko? haeinn?? mard hote hue ek aisi harkat karme ke tym pe tumhe sharam nahi aayi??

Sunny(shouting) : mard banne ka itna shock hai to kutton ka sahara laina chod de kutiya...doosron ka sahara woh leta hai jiski hadiyon mein paani bhara hota hai

ACP : ohh my gawdd! ye aise nahi maanega...daya, isse apni bhaasha mein samjhao!

Daya comes forward and gives his one tight slap (PHATTTTT!!!)

Sunny(crying) : Haa, maine hi balwantraai ke kutte ko maara hai...

ACP : Kyu mara tumne usse itna be-rehmi se?

Sunny : Usne meri mercedes ke pichhe wale tyre pe susu kar di!!

ACP : my gawd! tumhe to umar kaid ki saza hogi....fir susu karte rehna jail mein!!

ACP,"Abhijeet ab hume isske papa ko doondhna hoga..aakhir isme unka bhi haath hai.."

Abhijeeet,"Yes Sir..kyonki Sunny to paagal ho gaya hai..sirf Tareeka pe Tareeka (ACP O-o)..mera matlab hai tareek pe tareek bol raha hai.."

ACP,"Abhijeet..yeh pyaar ka chakkar tum baad me khelo..pehle ek kaam karo..tum jaake Sunny ko interrogate karo..kuch to pata chalega..Daya,Tasha..tum petshop mein jaake check karo..ki koi aadmi zyaada kutte leke gaya hain kya.."

Abhijeet,"Lekin Sir..woh galli ki kutte bhi pakad sakte hain.."

ACP,"Hmmm..ho sakta hai..lekin galli ke kutto ko rabies ho sakta hai..woh gandhe ho sakte hai..aur Dharam ke paas itne paise bhi nahi honge ki woh kutte ko injection de.."... See More

Fredericks,"Lekin Sir woh to filmstar hai!! Unki paas to bahut pasie hain..meri wife kehti hai ki main bhi superstar ban sakta hoon.."

ACP,"Haan Fredeericks..zaroor ban sakte ho..lekin iss case ke baad..aur Sunny..Dharam ne paanch saal mein ek bhi film nahi ki..to ho sakta hai..ki woh petshop jaake kutt kidnap karte ho..Viek..tum jaake police records check karo..dekho kisine missing dogs ki report likhi hai kya.."

Daya and Tasha go to petshops..and finally see one at which a curly haired woman is saying no to all the dogs..(Vodafone ad)

Daya,"Madam..yeh aap kya kar rahi hai?"

Woman,"main? Sabzi kharid rahi hoon.."

Daya,"Heiiinnnnn.."

Woman,"Dogs ki dukaan mein dogs hi milenge na..waise aap kaun?"

Tasha,"Hum CID se hain.."

Woman,"C-C-C-C-CID!!"

Daya,"Haan.."

Woman finally selects a dog and goes (Vodafone ad)

Tasha,"Sir..aapko kuch ajeeb nahi laga?"

Daya,"Kya?"

Tasha,"Sir usne achche dogs reject kiye aur ek ganda curly dog leke gayi..."

Daya,"Chalo..uska peecha karte hai.."

They follow her to her house..she goes in..comes out and leaves..

Tasha,"Sir..woh to gayi ab hum uska ghar check kar sakte hai.."

Daya,"Chalo.."

Tasha,"Darwaza band hai...Sir.."

Daya,"To kya?"

SLAM!!
Daya and Tasha go in..and they immediately call Abhijeet..and tell him to come here..

Abhijeet enters the house..

Abhijeet,"MY GAWD!!"

Daya,"Main bhi yehi bolne wala tha..alekin yeh to tumhara dialogue hai.."

Abhijeet,"Itne saare kutto ki hadiyan.."

Daya,"Mujhe to lagta hai yeh ladki hi Dharam ke liye kutte laati hogi.."

Abhijeet,"Inhe Forensic lab le jaate hai.."

At Forensic..

Dr.Salunkhe,"Boss..maine sab check kar liya hai..yeh kutto ki hi haddiyan hai.."

ACP,"Aur kuch? Yeh to hume pata tha.."

Dr.Salunkhe,"Lekin kya aap ko yeh maloom tha ki yeh kutte pehle maare gaye..phir inka khoon peeya gaya tha.."

ACP (from O-o to O-O),"Kya!??"

Dr.Salunkhe,"Haan ACP saab..inn kutto ki bones pe lage thode se flesh ko maine ANTD kiya to mujhe pata chala ki inka flesh bahut sukha hai..aur khoon bahut kam.."

Abhijeet,"Mujhe to kuch gadbad lag rahi hai Sir.."

ACP,"Haan..mujhe bhi..aur iss gadbad ka ilaaj sirf uss ladki ke paas hain.."

They go back to the house..a new door has been installed..

Abhijeet,"Daya..darwaza band hai!!"

Daya,"Naya darwza!! (Yippee!! Yay!! mann mein ladoo phut rahe hai)

SLAM!

Woman is standing dangerously with a gun in one hand and a dog in another..

Woman,"Aage mat aana nahi to main iss kutte ko maar doongi.."

Abhijeet,"Dekho..gun neeche rakho..hum baat karte hai."

Woman,"Nahi..jabse Sholay dekhi..tab se dekhna chahti thi kutte ka khoon ka kaisa hota hai..aaj jab main itne kutto ka khoon pee chuki ho..tab mujhe aadat si ho gayi.."

Daya,"Tum kutto ke khoon se addicted ho!!"

Woman,"Haan!! Main addicted hoon!!"

In the meantime Vivek appears from the window..grabs the gun and a fight ensues..

Abhijeet,"Batao..tumhara Dharam ji ke saath kya connection hai?"

Woman,"Nahi.."

Tasha,"nahi batayegi.." Slap!!

Woman,"ACP Sir..main hi Dharam hoon.."

ACP (again from O-o to O-O),"MY GAWD!!'

Abhijeet,"Heiinnn.."

Daya (removing his hands from his pockets),"Tum Dharamendra ho!!"

Woman,"Haan..jab mujhe film nahi mil rahi thi..tab mere paas paise bhi nahi the..isiliye maine socha ki agar main ek khoobsurat ladki ban jaao to mujhe roles bhi milenge aur main kutte bhi kharid sakoongi kam price mein..isiliye maine face mask lagakar ladki banne ka naatak kiya.."

ACP,"Ab to tumhe faansi hogi faansi..aur woh bhi kutto ke khilaaf jurm karne ke liye..PETA tumhari khatiya khadi kar denge..ab jail mein baithke chuhoon ka khoon peena seekh lena..wohi milenge.."

Abhijeet got a chance to break open a door

For once, Abhijeet got a chance to break open a door. He walks backwards, as if he is going to rush forward and kick open the door in style and beat Daya at his own game!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Aage kya hota hai...aap khud hi dekh lijiye.

Daya ne uska darwaja bhi tod diya

Cid ne Sony se naata jod liya ...

Cid ne Sony se naata jod liya ......

jis room me mana raha tha abhijeet suhagraat , Daya ne uska darwaja bhi tod diya

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Aakhir Sachin ne yeh 200 runs banaye toh banaye kahansey ??

ACP : Aakhir Sachin ne yeh 200 runs banaye toh banaye kahansey ??...Kuch samaj mey nahi aa raha Abhijeet! ..Daya, Abhijeet abhi ke abhi pata karo...Uss stadium mey baithe har ek aadmi se pooncho...ki agar yeh runs banaye toh banaye kaisey???

Abhijeet to Stadium watchman : Tu uss din kahan tha jab Sachin ne 200 banaye? haaein?!.

Daya : Sir yeh stadium ka Darwaza toh locked hai!

ACP : Daya,... Darwaaza tod do!

ACP (ungli hilaate hue..) : Ho na ho..yeh ball me hi kuch gadbad hai. Daya, Abhijeet... jao aur is umpire se pata lagao ki ball ki itni dhulaye hui to hui kaise ??!

ACP: abhijeet jaldi paata lagao.......

Abhijeet : sir maine vo ball dr. tarika ko de diya hai.........

ACP (Annkhe ghumate hue..) : Tarika huh?...

Abhijeet : sir mujhe lagta hai ki in 200 runs ke peeche kisi badi gang ka haath ho sakta hai..

ACP : iske piche kon mastermind hai?

Fredricks : Sir, shak to anjali pe jata hai...
ACP : Sachin ke finger prints lekar aao.. Dr. Saluke usse zaroor kuch pata kar lenge.. (Pradyuman mann hi mann hansate hue..)

Fredricks takes out a pen frm his pocket...

Fredricks : "ye leejiye sir.."

ACP : "ye kya hai?"

Fredricks : "sir... Sachin sir Renolds se likhta hai.. meri wife bhi issi pen se likhti hai..."

latest CID poor jokes : part 5

5 rupaye ka ek samosa, 10 rupaye ke do…

.

.

.

Gaur farmaiye…

5 rupaye ka ek samosa, 10 rupaye ke do…

.

.

.

.

.

Daya, darwaza tod do….
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Iss duniya me Teen tarah ke log hote hai……

Human……………………

:

:

:

:

Super Human………………..

And.

:

:

:

:

Aur kya?

:

:

:

:

:

:

:

:

:

:

:

:

:

:

:

Apna ACP Pradhuman
-------------------------------------------------------------------

Apni mehenat ka pasina is tarah se na pochooo…

Waha wah…!!!

Apni mehenat ka pasina is tarah se na pochooo…

Waha wah…!!!

A.C.P. Pradyuman ne kaha “Socho Daya Sochoo

latest CID poor jokes : part 4

Kuch bhi karlo hamare samne tumhari hoshiyari nahi chalegi....

Wah Wah . . . .

Kuch bhi karlo hamare samne tumhari hoshiyari nahi chalegi....

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

ACP Pradyuman kehte hain tumhein to jaroor fansi hogi....

-------------------------------------------------------------------
Thande thande paani se nahana chahiye ….

Thande thande paani se nahana chahiye ….

…

“Daya, hamein uss jagah par wapas jaanaa chahiye … “

-------------------------------------------------------------------
Hum tumhare pyaar me jaan bhi de denge

.

.

Hum tumhare pyaar me jaan bhi de denge

Aur

Aur

.

.

.

Doctor Salunke Murde se bhi sach ugalawa lenge.

-------------------------------------------------------------------
Patni upwas rakhati hai jab hota hai karva chauth

Wah wah

.

.

.

.

Patni upwas rakhati hai jab hota hai karva chauth

ACP Pradyuman keheta hai tume hogi “”SAZAYEE MAUT””…….

-------------------------------------------------------------------
Na talwar ki dhar se , na bandook ki bauchhar se,

Wah waaah,

Na talwar ki dhar se , na bandook ki bauchhar se,

.

.

.

.

Criminal darta hai to sirf ACP Pradyuman ki mar se.

-------------------------------------------------------------------
Na bandook se maro..na bomb se maro…

Waah waah…

Na bandook se maro..na bomb se maro…

.

.

.

.

.

ACP Pradyuman fredrick se bole, yahan ka chappa chappa chan maro……

-------------------------------------------------------------------
bakwaas ki baaton main waqt zaaya mat karo...

bakwaas ki baaton main waqt zaaya mat karo...

.

.

.

.

.

Daya, Abhijeet...Poori jagah ko achchi tarah search karo...

latest CID poor jokes : part 3

-------------------------------------------------------------

Fedrick bola "Sir ladki badi rangeen hai"

Gaur farmaaiye, fedrick bola “Sir ladki badi rangeen hai”

ACP Pradhuman bola

fedrick, ladki to rangeen hai par maamla bada sangeen hai

-------------------------------------------------------------------
Dr.Salunkhe gaa raha Dr.Tarika ke saath kohi geet...
Dr.Salunkhe gaa raha Dr.Tarika ke saath kohi geet...
Wah Wah Wah Wah...
.
.
.
ACP Pradyuman bole :Kuch toh gadbad hai...Abhijeet!!!"

-------------------------------------------------------------------

daya k thappad k gunj se uude hain sare pankhi yaahaa vaahaaa,

Daya k thappad k gunj se uude sare hain pankhi yaahaa vaahaaa,
Wah Wah….
.
.
.
ACP praduman bole abhijeet aakhir lash gayi kaha ......!!!!!

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Karm karte raho….. Phal ki aapeksha mat karo…..

Wah Wah…….. Wah Wah

Karm karte raho….. Phal ki aapeksha mat karo…..

Wah Wah…….. Wah Wah

“Pata Karon Daya, Pata Karo” !!!
-------------------------------------------------------------------

Agar ungliyaan hilao toh haat bhi hilega

Agar ungliyaan hilao toh haat bhi hilega

*Wah Wah Wah Wah*

Daya, Abhijeet Pata Lagao, Koi na koi suraag toh jaroor milega!!!

-------------------------------------------------------------------
Niche hain dharti…upar aakaash hain,

Dekihye zara

Niche hain dharti…upar aakaash hain,

Dicky Kholke bola ACP,

“Oh god, Yahaan pe toh laash hain”

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Thandi ke din gaaye … Chaali Gayyyii Sardii aur Khaasiiii

Thandi ke din gaaye … Chaali Gayyyii Sardii aur Khaasiiii

Wah Wah …

Wah Wah …

.

.

.

.

ACP Pradyuman Kahee

Aab Jail mein Saado … Tumhe to Phaanssi Hogi … Phansiiii

latest CID poor jokes : part 2

----------------------------------------------------------
tumhari ek nazar ko hum taras gye..

tumhari ek nazar ko hum taras gye..

.

Arey akhir aaj CID wale kahan marr gye..
-------------------------------------------------------------------

Zindagi badi Udaaas hai

Zindagi badi Udaaas hai

Daya ne hai bahut kaam kiya

Ab Usko lagi zoron ki Pyaas hai

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Hasna Zindagi Kaa Kaam Nahi Naam Hai Yaaro ....

Hasna Zindagi Kaa Kaam Nahi Naam Hai Yaaro....

.

.

ACP Pradyuman bole Daya se

Pura ghar theek se chaan maaro....

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Gaur farmaayiyega:

Rakhi ka swyambar toota.. jaa kar usko jod do..

Rakhi ka swyambar toota.. jaa kar usko jod do..

Daya.. Jara ye darwaaza to tod do

-------------------------------------------------------------------
Jab tum hi nahin rahe to jeena kya hai…………

Jab tum hi nahin rahe to jeena kya hai……………

.

.

.

.

Aakhir pata to chale khuni ka maksad kya hai…………..

-------------------------------------------------------------------
Fedrick bola "Sir, Door kisi pahaad par mera gaav hai …"
"Sir, Door kisi pahaad par mera gaav hai …"

Aur Is laash ka na to haath aur na koi paav hai...

-------------------------------------------------------------------
Jalne ke baad jo hoti hai, use kehte hain raakh
Gaur farmaaiye

Jalne ke baad jo hoti hai, use kehte hain raakh

.

.

.

ACP se Abhijeet bola "ye mujrim hai bada chaalaak”…

-------------------------------------------------------------------
Poori team CID ki deti hai ek bada sa NOD,

Poori team CID ki deti hai ek bada sa NOD,

.

.

.

.

.

.

Jab bhi ACP Pradyuman ungli ghuma ke kehta hai…

OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!

latest CID poor jokes : part 1

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Na jaane kal kya bayaan honge.....
Foolon k gulshan ya fir soone shamshaan honge....

Iss ghar ka chappa chappa chaan maaro Daya, yahaan zarur kaatil ki ungliyon k nishaan honge!!!

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Jindagi mein agey badne se yun na daro….

Jindagi mein agey badne se yun na daro….

Daya jaldi se us gadi ka peecha karooo....
-------------------------------------------------------------------

Ajeeb-o Garib dikhta hai PAA me Auro……

Ajeeb-o Garib dikhta hai PAA me Auro……

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Daya, Ghar ka kona kona chan Maro……

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Kya hua tha raat mein, kaise mar gaya Tony.

Gaur farmayiga…

Kya hua tha raat mein, kaise mar gaya Tony.

.

.

.

.

Janane k liye dekhiye CID, only on Sony… J

-------------------------------------------------------------------

[arz kiya hai......]

ACP bola (looking at the dead body)..OH MY GOD!!! sirf do sau rupaye ke liye is gareeb ko kaun marwayega...

[Gaur farmayiega]….

ACP bola .. OH MY GOD!!! sirf do sau rupaye ke liye is gareeb ko kaun marwayega...

Dr Salunkhe bola (looking at the dead body with his high-tech gadget)..... kaatil kaun hai..ab humein yahi batayega!!

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Itne saalo se CID ne darshako ka kiya hai sabka manoranjan
Itne saalo se CID ne darshako ka kiya hai sabka manoranjan

Daaath ghaso Daya, lo ye Dabur laal Dant manjan.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Tumhare pyar me hume nind nahi aati

Tumhare pyar me hume nind nahi aati.

.

.

.

Daya do thappad na laga de tab tak mujhrimo ko akal nahi aati....

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Gujar Gaye kitane din, hogaye Kitne saal

Gujar Gaye kitane din, hogaye Kitne saal

Par aaj bhi ACP karta hain mujrim ka wahi bura haal.

-------------------------------------------------------------------
Badi tej thi garmi beh rahi thi looh…

Badi tej thi garmi beh rahi thi looh…

DAYA KA THAPPAD, FIR UHU UHU UHU…..

Sunday, March 7, 2010

New Ending to 3 IDIOTS : CID style

After Rancho suddenly disappears from ICE, Raju and Farhan Decide to call the world famous CID.

ACP: Ohh MY GODD !!! Rancho Gayab hai !! Abhijeet, Daya...campus ko acchi tarah se CHECK KARO !! Woh zaroor koi na koi suraag chhod gaya hoga !! (Shaking his finger)

(After searchin the campus like a pair of buffoons...Abhijeet and Daya find out that Joy had committed suicide 4 years back in the campus...)

Abhijeet: Sir, Mamla Gadbad hai...Yaha kisi joy naam ke student ne aatma-hatya ki thi 4 saal pehle. lagta hai woh aatma hatya nahi...khoon tha...aur shayad khooni yeh rancho hi hoga !!!

ACP: OHH MY GODD !!!

ACP: Yeh joy ki kabar khod ke uski laash bahar nikalo...aur use forensic lab me leke aao...dr. salunkhe zarur koi na koi baat ughalva denge iss murde aadmi se !!

(after fredricks does all the digging and brings out the dead body of joy...and the next scene is of the forensic lab)

Dr. Salunkhe: ACP, bahot jaldi laash laaye tum...isse kuch bulvana mushkil hoga...lekin tum tension mat lo...tum dr. salunkhe ke lab se khali haat nahi jaoge..koi na koi raaz toh pata chal hi jayega

(after playin with some colour changing liquids)

Dr. Salunkhe : BOSS...tumne kaha isski maut suicide se hui hai...main kehta hu..iska khoon hua hai !!

ACP: Salunkhe !!! Mazaak ka waqt nahi hai !!...yeh kaise ho sakta hai??

Salunkhe: BOSS...sab kuch mumkin hai !! yeh dekho...(shows him his star-trek type computer and does some really fast typing)

ACP: OHH MY GODD !! (still shaking his finger)....toh phir yeh baat hamein kisi ne batayi kyu nahi ??...ek kaam karo...uss principal ko yahaan leke aao bureau me...ab kya sach hai..wahi hamein batayega !!

(virus is brought to the bureau)

Virus: Sssir, mujhe yahaan kyun bulaya hai...maine kuch nahi kiya

Abhijeet: sach sach batao...uss raat campus me kya hua tha???

virus: sssir, main sssach bol raha hu...mujhe kuch nahi pata hai??

(daya gives him his special CHAMAAAT !!!)

Daya: Ab yaad aaya kuch???

Virus: Haan Sir, sab yaad aa gaya...bata ta hu...sab bata ta hu !

Fredricks: (constipated look)..sir..daya sir ke chamaat me toh jaadu hai...iska 'sssss' kehna band ho gaya

ACP: Fredricks..chup raho !!

Virus: uss raat sab logo ne gay party ki thi....sab log apni underwear me campus me ghoom rahe the....main bhi tha...lekin mere saath koi flirt hi nahi kar raha tha...isliye main bahot gusse me tha...phir Joy aaya aur usne mujhe uska helicopter dikhaya...maine uska helicopter gutter me fek diya..toh woh rote rote apne room me chale gaya. aur next din humne dekha toh uska murder ho gaya tha...lekin aap please yeh baat kisi se boliye mat...college ki badnaami ho jayegi...

ACP: hum kisi ko nahi batayenge...tum hamare saath co-operate karo

(virus leaves)

ACP: yahaan kuch toh gadbad hai daya....aisa kaise ho sakta hai ki campus me khoon ho gaya aur kisi ne CID ko bulaya hi nahin??

Abhijeet: sir shayad logo ko pata hai...ki pehle police ko bulana chaiye...CID ko nahi !!

ACP: Aur yeh kaise hua ki khooni campus me aa gaya..aur campus se khoon kar ke nikal gaya??

Vivek : Sir, shayad yeh bhi ho sakta hai ki khooni koi student hi ho?

ACP: haan vivek...kuch bhi ho sakta hai...kuch bhi (shaking finger)..ek kaam karo abhijeet...phir se campus me chalte hain...aur acchi tarah se check karte hain...yahaan daal me kuch kaala hai !!

Abhijeet: sir daal me kala nahi...puri daal mere jaisi kaali hi hai !!

(they reach the campus in their ol' faithful qualis which changes colour every episode...but the number plate is still the same...and daya slams the breaks....SCCHRREEEECH !!)

ACP: Abhijeet, Vivek tum pura campus CHECK KARO....Daya tum iss campus ke saare DARWAAZE TOD DO !!....Fredricks...tum sab logo ko tumhare jokes se entertain karo...aur main yahaan baith ke apni ungli hilata hu....chalo sab apne apne kaam pe lag jaao !!

(after checking the campus)

Vivek: Sir, yahaan aiye....yeh dekho...yeh ek chatur naam ke ladke ki diary mili hai sir...isme likha hai ki woh rancho aur rancho ek dusre ke dushman the...aur woh rancho se badla lena chahta tha !!

ACP : (shaking finger...as usual)...OHH MY GODD !!! ab yeh Chatur kaun hai...aur iske room se itni baas kyun aa rahi hai !!...Good work vivek !!...iss evidence ko forensic lab le jao !

Abhijeet: Haain !!! Sir, dheere dheere sab pata chal raha hai...shayad se iss chatur ne hi joy ka khoon kiya hoga !! aur rancho kahaan gaya...usse hi pata hoga !!

ACP: Toh bulao iss Chatur ko Bureau mein...isse hi pooch ke dekhte hain !!

(chatur in interrogation)

ACP: Rancho kahaan hai ??

Chatur : I Don't Know Sir !! Mujhe nahi pata !!

Abhijeet: Dekho Sach Sach Batao !! Hamein yeh diary mili hai tumhare room se...isme saaf saaf likha hai ki tumhein rancho se jalan thi

Chatur : (over-acting)...mujhe nahi pata hai sir !! maine kuch nai kiya hai

(Daya gives ONE TIGHT SLAP and the chair spins)

Chatur: Haan haan...maine hi khoon kiya tha joy ka...kyonki usne mechanical helicopter banaya tha project me...aur maine sirf paper ka rocket banaya tha....boo hoo hoo !! Lekin phir woh kambakht Rancho aa gaya...usne mujhe dekh liya tha...isliye maine usko bhi gayab kar diya

ACP: waah...kya plan banaya tha...lekin afsos tum CID ke saamne kamiyaab nahi ho paaye...ab banate rehna plan...JAIL me...Tumhe toh FAASI hogi FAASI !!

Cid shayari

Arz kiya hai......

usko apne pyaar ka izhaar karu kaise........

usko apne pyaar ka izhaar karu kaise..............

DAya pata lagao, aakhir ye khoon hua kaise...!

Holy Pe Khile Phool or Palash !!!!!.
Holy Pe Khile Phool or Palash !!!!! . . . . .
Oh My God, Abhijeet!!! Ek Aur Laash!!!!

Dr.Salunkhe gaa raha Dr.Tarika ke saath kohi geet...

Dr.Salunkhe gaa raha Dr.Tarika ke saath kohi geet...

*Wah Wah Wah Wah*...Kuch toh gadbad hai...Abhijeet!!!

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Another karnama by the CID team

Dhiren could not understand why any woman would have hundreds of her own photographs scattered throughout her home, furniture toppled chaotically, and spots of multicolored paint staining everything in sight. However, he didn’t have time to bother with such issues. His focus was on one thing: the cash and jewels he would be stealing from this home.

“Her name is Sheetal Ambuja. She's a vice-president for Sheetal Industries, lives alone, and keeps a good one hundred to two hundred thousand in cash and jewels in the house at any one time," Tejas had told him when they'd met at the Malibu Bar and Grill.

"What about her schedule?" Dhiren had asked, contemplating how he would pull off the robbery.

"That's up to you to figure out. I've done everything I can." Tejas had gathered up his papers and stuffed them into his briefcase. Dhiren had been provided with an entire file on Sheetal, including a rough layout of the house and Polaroids of the security system and many of the rooms. The two would not talk again until Dhiren delivered Tejas’s ten percent.

As he walked through the hallway, Dhiren was certain that Sheetal would not be home for at least another two hours. It was Wednesday night, which meant that she would be playing racquetball with her colleagues until nine. Now that he was in the home, it was only a matter of finding where the riches were stored.

After checking the other rooms, Dhiren finally headed into the final one: Sheetal’s bedroom. The moment he opened the door and peered inside, the gun fell from his hand and clattered on the wooden floor. There on the bed lay Sheetal, a bloody wound on her stomach. The white sheets around her lifeless body were soaked with blood.

Once he had gathered his senses, Dhiren approached the bed slowly. There was no doubt it; Sheetal was dead. But who could have done such a thing? And why had she been home so early? His eyes caught sight of something small and silver next to her hand. He leaned over slowly, careful not to touch anything. It was a silver chain with a small skull pendent on it.

As he turned to leave the leave the room, Dhiren made a firm resolve. He would call the CID team and let them know that a murder had been committed before fleeing the scene himself.

Dhiren called the CID.

Dhiren – “Hello?”
Freddie – “Hello”
Dhiren – “Hello”
Freddie – “aage bhi bolo na.”
Dhiren – “CID office?”
Freddie – “haan main CID office se Freddie…umm..CID officer Fredricks bol raha hoon.”
Dhiren – “main ek murder ke bare mein report likhwana chahta hoon.”
Freddie – “haan bolo”
Dhiren – “Sheetal Ambuja ka khoon ho gaya hai. Sheetal Ambuja jo Sheetal Industries ki vice president hain.”
Freddie – “ye tumhe kaise pata?”
Dhiren – “main aapse keh raha hoon na. Aap log jaldi yahan aa jaayiye.”
Freddie – “theek hai par tumhara naam kya hai?”

Dhiren hung up.

Abhijeet – “arre Freddie kaun tha?”
Freddie – “mujhe kya pata, mujhe koi kuch batata hi nahi!”
Abhijeet – “par usne kaha kya?”
Freddie – “Sheetal Ambuja ka khoon ho gaya hai.”

Quietly Dhiren jumped out of a window to escape. He ran to the gate, but the gardener spotted him and shouted. Watchman came. The two, caught Dhiren and started beating him. Dhiren couldn’t escape.
Not until he was really injured, the CID came. They freed Dhiren and called for an ambulance. Then Daya questioned the gardener and the watchman, while Vivek tried to talk to Dhiren and others went inside the house.
The Gardener and the Watchman told them that they saw him running and thought he was a thief and so they caught him.

Vivek – “Tum kaun ho aur yahan kya kar rahe ho?”
Dhiren – “saab main Dhiren hoon. Main yahan chori karne aaya tha…….”
Vivek – “ye khoon tumne kiya?”
Dhiren – “nahi”
Vivek – “haan bolo. Phir tum bhaag kyu rahe the?”
Dhiren – “Maine kuch nahi kiya. Nahi mara…nahi churaya…main darr gaya.”
Vivek – “haan bolo aage”
Dhiren – “Tejas..wohh Tejas.”

Dhiren fainted. Ambulance arrived then and Vivek escorted Dhiren to hospital.
Inside, CID found that someone had stabbed Sheetal with a knife on the stomach wounding her badly but not killing her. Sheetal died slowly and before dieing she must have tried to escape and that’s how the whole room was stained with blood. On searching the whole house, they found Sheetal’s personal diary stitched inside a woolen coat. In that, she mentioned how her someone was after her life as after her divorce, she got lot of money and would become the President in the company. Also, Sheetal mentioned about her will and papers that she had hidden. In those papers she had written whom she suspected.
They searched a lot but found no papers and all the cash and jewellery was gone.
Morning, The CID went to Sheetal’s office to talk to her husband but he wasn’t there. Sheetal’s brother Hemant was there who didn’t know about her sister’s death. On hearing the news he was completely shocked. He told them that Sheetal used to fight a lot with Ashish (her husband) and so they got divorced and now he wanted to take over the company. He told them that Ashish had disappeared from yesterday night and so surely he is guilt. ACP took Ashish’s cell number. On coming out, ACP ordered Daya to spy on Hemant and Abhijeet to trace the position of the cell phone.
In the Hospital, Dhiren was recovering but while Vivek was gone to attend a call, someone tried to come and kill him. Vivek caught him. He was munna a contract killer and Tejas had asked him to kill Dhiren. He told that Tejas would come to Flinton Bar that evening.
In the bar, Abhijeet met Tejas.

Abhijeet – “aur Tejas bhai kya haal hai?”
Tejas – “Tu kaun hai be?”
Abhijeet – “Shakeel hoon. Delhi se yahan naya aaya hoon. Sab ne bola Tejas bhai se mil lo wohh set kara denge.”
Tejas – “set? Kya baat kar raha hai?”
Abhijeet – “bhai aap toh jaante ho na. Kacha khiladi nahi hoon bas mauka nahi mila. Main bhi aapke saath kaam karna chahta hoon”
Tejas – “koi chori ki hai kabhi?”
Abhijeet – “ haan bhai kai choti choriyaan toh ki hain par maine suna hai aap sirf badi choriyaan karte ho!”

Tejas saw Ashish standing at a corner of the bar with rest of the CID. He recognizes Ashish and smelt something fishy. He took out a gun and placed it on Abhijeet’s head.

Tejas – “nikalne do mujhe warna maar dunga isse.”
Daya – “Tejas gun neeche rakh do, tum yahan se nahi bhaag sakte.”
Tejas – “aisa tumhe lagta hai. Hato mere raaste se.”
Daya – “nahi hatunga. Neeche rakho gun aur surrender kar do Tejas.”

Daya moves to catch Tejas

ACP – “arre Daya kya karte ho? Jab who keh raha hai raaste se hat jao, toh hat jao na.”

Daya see Tejas and see Abhijeet is holding his gun out.

Abhijeet – “Bola tha na Tejas bhai. Hum bhi kache khiladi nahi hain.”

Tejas drops his gun.

**
Hemant comes to the bar and sits with Tejas.

Hemant – “kya baat hai? Kyu bulaya mujhe? Tumhare paise toh de diye na maine?”

Just then CID comes and ACP places a hand on Hemant’s shoulder is gets surprised and stands.

ACP – “toh Hemant ji. Aapse phir mulaqat ho hi gayi.”
Daya – “bata Sheetal ko kyu maara?”
Hemant – “kya bakwaas hai? Maine Sheetal ho nahi maara…main kyu maarunga usse?”
Abhijeet – “Yehi toh hum pooch rahe hain…Kyu maara?”
Hemant – “maine nahi maara..kya keh rahe hain aap log? Aapko kisne bola maine mara?”
ACP – “ab drama karne se koi faida nahi nahi hai. Daya zara bulwao toh inse.”

Daya slaps Hemant and now they are in CID office crying and confessing. Ashish is also there.

ACP – “bolo ab.”
Tejas – “saab mujhe maaf kar dijiye. Hemant saab mere paas aaye the. Unhone mujhe bola ki Sheetal ke ghar mein bahut paisa hai. Unhone mujhse kaha ki 6 baje wohh Sheetal ke saath Sheetal ke ghar par honge aur main aakar Sheetal ko maar doon. Unhone mujhe iske liye 50000 rs diye.”

Hemant – “sir, Sheetal ke divorce ke baad poori company ab uski hone wali thi. Aur wohh mujhe kabhi manager se aage nahi badne deti. Usse pata chal gaya tha ki maine 100000 rs ka gafla kiya hai. Par main kya karta? Mujhe jue ki aadat lag gayi thi. Main 100000 rs haar gaya. Un logoin ko paise na deta toh wohh mujhe maar daalte. Isiliye mujhe paise chahiye the. Maine jua phir bilkul chod diya par Sheetal ko pata chal gaya. Ek – Ek karkar usse saare galat kaam pata chal gaye jo maine kiya. Un dino Sheetal – Ashish bahut ladte the. Mujhe laga agar Sheetal achanak marr jaaye toh saara dosh Ashish par aa jaayega aur uske baar main hi company ka owner ban jaaunga.

Us din main Sheetal ke saath uske ghar gaya aur usse baatoin mein uljhaye rakha par usse shayad shaq ho gaya. Itne mein maine dekha ki Tejas khidki pe aa gaya hai. Toh isne fauran usse maar diya. Humne baad mein wohh chaku ek naale mein faink diya. Poora ghar dhoond liya par uski will aur wohh kagaz jismein usne mere khilaf bayan diya tha, wohh mile hi nahi. Jaldi Jaldi phir saare gehne – zewar liye aur bhaag gaye taki lage ki chori hui thi.”

ACP – “toh Dhiren ko kyu fasaya?”

Tejas – “saab mujhe to Hemant saab ne bola ki kisi ko waha thodi der baar chori karne bhej dena. Uspar naam lag jaayega. Inhone hi mujhe Sheetal ka routine aur uske ghar ke security plan diye.”

Ashish – “ACP sir thank You. Aap ke karan hi Sheetal ko nayay mila hai. Hum chahe pati – patni nahi reh sake par dost the. Usne mujhe us din phone karke restaurant mein bulaya aur ye file dee. Usne kaha ki agar usse kuch ho jaaye, toh main ye file uske lawyer ko de doon. Who bahut ghabrayi thi. Uske jaane ke baad maine dekha toh ismein ek kagaz par usne likha tha ki Hemant usse maarna chahta tha aur Hemant ne jo saare galat kaam kiye hain un sab ke sabot bhi hain.”

ACP – “dekha. Gunaah ko chahe kitna chupa lo par usse bhaagna na mumkin hai. Mujhe tab hi shaq ho gaya tha jab Hemant baar baar Ashish par iljaam laga raha tha. Kisi ki behen mari ho toh wohh behen ke bare mein poochega ya khooni dhundega? Humne Ashish se baat ki toh usne hume ye sab bataya. Dukh hota hai dekhkar ki aaj kisi insaan ki zindgi sirf 50000 ki ho gayi hai. Wohh bhi kisi insaan ki nahi, apni khud ki behen ki. Aur ek taraf Sheetal thi, jo apni poori property charity mein de gayi. Ab tumhe fasi hogi , fasi......!!!!!!!

CID special case zombitamine

At someone's house...

ACP: Bedroom ka darwaza locked kyu hai? Kuch toh gadbad hai. Daya, darwaza tod do.
-dhadaaaaak-

Daya: Sir, andar ek laash hai.

Abhijit: Hainn?? My God.

Daya: Sir, is laash ne lal chaddi pehni hui hai. Aur body me goliyaan hai.

Abhijit: Sir, lagta hai goliyaan bandook se hi chali hogi.

ACP rolling fingers: Kuch toh gadbad hai.

Abhijit, pata lagao. Is elake me kaun kaun lal chaddiyaan bechta hai. Aur laash ko Salunke ke paas bhejo.

At Salunke's Lab...

Dr. Salunke: Boss manjra kuch aur hi hai. Iske body me baarah goliyaan hai, par iska khoon zeher se hua hai.

ACP: What?

Salunke: Haan boss. Tarika?

Tarika: Yes Sir. Ye dekhiye iska khoon neela hai aur iske baal peele hain. Ye sirf ek hi chiz kar sakti hai. Zombitamine.

ACP: Zombitamine?

Salunke: Yes boss. Bahut khatarnaak zeher hai. Skin ko touch karte hi... aadmi toh gaya boss.

Abhijit: Vah Dr. Tarika aapne toh kamaal kar diya.

ACP rolling fingers: Lekin... Ye zeher khooni ne laya kahaan se?

Salunke: Easy hai boss. Chyawanprash.

ACP: Chyawanprash?

Salunke: Haan boss. Chyawanprash se koibhi extract kar sakta hai.

ACP: Abhijit, pata lagao. Kaunse kaunse Chyawanprash ke brand me kitna Zombitamine use hota hai.

-dhadaaaak-

ACP: Kya hua?

Daya: Sir, vo Fredricks bathroom me lock ho gaya tha toh maine darwaza tod diya.
-phone call for ACP-

ACP: Hello? What??? Hum abhi aa rahe hain.

Random place, car comes and screeches.

Vivek: Sir, vo lal chaddi ka manufacturer yahin rehta hai.

ACP: Yahin rehta hai? Zara dekho andar koi hai kya?

Abhijit: Koi nahi hai Sir. Lagta hai vo sheher se hi bhaag gaya hoga.

ACP rolling fingers: Kuch toh gadbad hai. Daya, darwaza tod do.
-dhadaaaak-

ACP: Dhundo. Dhundo. Har ek kona chaan maaro. Koi na koi suraag mil hi jayega.

Abhijit: Sir, Lal chaddiyon ka carton mila hai. Aur saathme ye bottle, ispe Zombitamine likha hai.

ACP rolling fingers: Zombitamine? Kuchtoh gadbad hai.

Fredricks: Sir, mere pet me subah se gadbad hai. Mai ghar jaa raha hoon.

Daya: Sir, safed chaddiyon ka carton mila hai. Aur Zombitamine ki aur bottles.

Abhijit: Hainn?? Sir, kahin ye... Zombitamine se safed chaddiyon ko lal paint nahi karta na?

ACP rolling fingers: Kuch toh gadbad hai. Abhijit, pata lagao. Is elake me kaun kaun safed chaddiyaan bechta hai. Lekin ek baat samaj nahi aa rahi... khooni ne khoon kiya kyun?

At shop

Abhijit: Ye safed chaddiyaan aap hi bechte ho.

Shop Owner: Haan ji. Aaap....?

Daya: Hum CID se hai.

Shop Owner shocked: C... CID?

Abhijit: Ji haan ek khoon hua hai.

Shop Owner shocked: Kh... khoon?

Abhijit: Ji haan. Aap bata sakte hai ye chaddiyaan wholesale me kaun kharidta tha?

Shop Owner: Ab hum kya bataayein Sir. Kitne log ate-jate rehte hain.

Abhijit: Kuch toh yaad hoga. Dimaag pe zor daaliye.

-3 second silence-

Shop Owner: Haan... kuch din pehle ek aadmi aya tha. Bada ajib tha.

Abhijit: Hainn?? Uski kuch details milengi? Kahan rehta hai? Kaisa dikhta hai?

Shop Owner: Zaroor ye raha address.

Some suspect is stalked for a while. Daya comes and stands in front of him, hands on his waist. The suspect starts running. Daya catches him.
-slaaaap-

Teleport to CID HQ

Suspect on a chair, crying: Haan maine hi khoon kiya hai. Jalta tha mai usse. Uski tarakki se.
ACP: Ab toh tumhari bhi tarakki nahi hogi. Ab toh tumhe faansi hogi, faansi.

The Legend of CID : DOSTANA MUJRIM

The Legend of CID

DOSTANA MUJRIM.

(Initial parts skipped... The last segment)

ACP : Kuch to gadbad hai...mujhe lagta hai hame Karan Johar ko arrest karna padega...

Fredrix :Karan Johar ko?? Sir, aap kabse ye nawaabo wale shokh rakhne lage??

ACP : Chup raho freddy nahi to jail mein tumhe uske saath band kar dunga....naukri to jaayegi hi, lekin badnaami zyada hogi!

Abhijeet : Sir, aapko aisa kyu lagta hai ki khoon Karan Johar ne kiya hai??

ACP (finger dance) : kyuki laash ke yaha se coffee with karan ke mugs mile hai.....

Abhijeet : Iska matlab khooni Karan Johar hai?? haeinn??

ACP : Ye to waqt aane par hi pata chalega!!

CID goes to Karan Johar's place!!

ACP (knocking the door) : Karan darwaza kholo...nahi to anjaam bahot bura hoga!
Karan (shouting from inside) : Nahi kholunga...mujhe aap mein se kisiki bhi niyat pe bharosa nahi hai...

Daya Gets ready to smash the door door.... ACP shakes his head and says no..

ACP : Achha thik hai..main akela hi andar aaunga "God Promise"...ab to darwaza khol do...mujhpar bharosa rakho...main ek 60 saal ka aadmi hu!

Abhijeet : Darwaza kholte ho ya hum khud khol ke andar aaye? haeinn??

Karan(with a worried expression) : ACP Pradyuman...apne officer se kaho ki zabaan sambhaal ke baat kare...ashleelta na failaaye!!

ACP : Abhijeet....ise main handle karta hu, tum sab waapas bureau jao!

ACP somehow manages to bring Karan Johar to the bureau!

Abhijeet : Ab batao Mr. Karan Johar...kyu mara tumne Rita ko? haeinn?

Karan : Maine nahi mara kisi bhi Rita ko...main to use jaanta tak nahi!!

ACP : Oh my Gawdddd!!....ye chakkar kuch aur hi hai...to Karan ye batao ki tum 12 taarikh ki raat ko kaha they??

Karan (blushing) : uss raat to main shahrukh ke saath date pe gaya tha!!

ACP : jhooth mat bolo Karan...ye CID bureau hai...coffee with karan ka studio nahi....yaha hum sawaal puchhte hai aur mujrim jawaab deta hai...Daya, isse apni bhaasha mein samjhao..

Daya : Sorry sir, main aurat pe haath nahi uthaata..!!

ACP : Tasha, tum samjhao isse

Tasha Slaps him (bang!!)

Karan(crying) : Haa...rita ka khoon maine hi kiya hai...kyuki woh Gauri Khan ko mere aur shahrukh ke affair ke baare mein bataane wali thi...

ACP : Aur itni si baat ke liye tumne uski itni be-rehmi se hatya kar di....aari warsi khatan gayaa si...tumhe faasi hogi faasi!!

Karan is being led to the gallows...but there is a twist in the tale, when out of nowhere Dr. Salunk pops out and stops the team...

Dr.Salunkhe:Boss yeh tumne kya kiya? Ek masoom ko faasi dene ja rahe th;e??

ACP:Kya bakwaas kar rahe ho Salunkhe..tumhara dimaag to theek hai na..

Dr.Salunkhe:Boss, mera dimaag ekdum theek hai..lekin tum lagta hai satya gaye ho..

ACP:Salunkhe, tumhe kya sanyaas chahiye..

Dr.Salunkhe:ACP Saab, Rita ka khoon KJo ne nahi kisi mard ne kiya hai..:...

ACP :Kya? Yeh kaise ho sakta hai? Usne apna jurm khud kabool kiya hai

Dr.Salunkhe:Nahi Boss...maine sab dekh liya hai..Rita ki laash jab maine kareeb se dekhi tab maine ghaav ko dekha..usse kisi mard ne hi maara hai jo kareeb 40 saal ka hai..

ACP:Chaalis saal ka mard!!

Abhijeet:MY GAWD!! Sir yeh to gadbad ho gaya..na to KJo chaalis saal ka hai aur na woh mard hai..

Dr.Salunkhe:Haan Abhijeet, aur ek aur baat..uss aadmi ka sar apni jagah pe nahi hai..

ACP (O-O):Salunkhe dimaag to tumhara apne sar pe nahi hai..kya anaab shanaab bole jaa rahe ho? CID ke paas zyaada waqt nahi hai..

Dr.Salunkhe:Boss..mera matlab hai ki uss aadmi ko apna sar aur haath hilane ki aadat hai..

ACP :Aisa kaunsa aadmi ho sakta hai?

Daya:Sir..aisa to sirf ek hi hai..jiska iss case se samband hai

ACP:Kaun?

Daya:Shahrukh Khan Sir..

Freddie:SRK!! Woh star..nahi Daya Sir..woh kaise ho sakta hai..woh to bahut bada filmstar hai..aur meri wife ka favortie bhi hai..

ACP:Yes daya..you are right!! Chalo SRK ke ghar..

At Mannat

Daya:Sir..ghar pe koi hai..andar se aawaz aa rahi hai..

ACP:To kya hua? Tum jab tak darwaze nahi todoge tab tak TRP kaise badhenge..DAYA DARWAZA TOD DO!!

SLAM!!
Abhijeet:Hands up! Koi apni jagah se nahi hilega..

ACP:Kyon Baadshah..pakde gaye na..

SRK looks dazed!!

SRK:Aap kaun? Aur yahaan kya kar rahe ho? Aur iss saand ne mera darwaza kyo toda?

Daya:Hum CID se hain..

ACP:Kyon..nikal gayi na hawa!! CID ke saamne achche achcho ki hawa nikal jaati hai..tum to kya... ek mamulisa actor hai...

SRK:Jubaan Sambhal kar bat kar ACP. Mein BEST hoon. Waise,kya chahiye aap logo ko?

Freddie:Autograph Sir..

ACP:Freddie..chup raho..jab jail mein jayega tab lena..waise bhi SRK ke paas aur kuch kaam to rahega nahi..

SRK and Gauri:Jail? Kyo Sir?

ACP:Woh to tumhe pata hona chahiye..Rita ka khoon kiya to laga bach jaoge..

SRK:R-R-R-R-R-R-Rita?? Kaun Rita Sir?

Daya:Achcha kaun Rita?

WHACK!!

SRK: A-A-A-A-A-A..Haan Sir maine hi Rita ko maara..

Abhijeet:Kyo?

SRK:Actually mere aur Karan ke beech kaafi ghehre samband the..Rita ko iska pata chala..to woh mujhe blackmail karne lagi..aur kehne lagi ki woh Gauri ko sab bata degi..isiliye maine..maine usse maar diya..

Daya:Aur KJo ne yeh apne sar pe kyo liya?

SRK:Hum dono ek doosre ko bahut chahte hain..karan ka mere siwa koi nahi lekin mere to biwi bachche hai na..isilioye meri married life bachane ke liye..usne yeh jurm apne naam liya..

ACP:Wha kya dostana hai!! Ab jail mein bhi yehi dosti ke saath jeena!! Aur Dostana ka sequel bhi..par usse pahile tumhe faasi hogi! faasi!!Dono ko faasi hogi!!

The CID team reaches a restaurant

ACP(ungliyaan yahaan bhi ghoom rahi hain): Yeh restaurant hai toh yahaan khaana bhi zaroor milta hoga. Abhijeet, PATA LAGAO yahaan milta kya-kya hai.

Abhijeet: Khud pata laga le.

Daya(sabse pehle bol pada): 10 aloo ke paranthe makhan maar ke.

Abhijeet: Hainnn ? Myyyy Goddd !!

Daya: Saale yeh sab khaaunga nahi toh Darwaza kya tera baap todega.

Salunkhe: Main toh kissi bhi chemical ke saath 4 roti kha lunga. Haan khoon ki chatni bhi le aana.

ACP: Ohhhh ! Kuch toh gadbad hai.. Aaj Salunkhe Acid ke saath roti nahi kha raha.

Abhijeet: Aaj Suraag dhoondhte hue maine laash ki jeb mein padha laddoo kha liya tha. Mera pet toh full hai.

Fredricks: Sir, main kuch nahi lunga. Aaj biwi ke liye karwa chauth vrat rakha hai.

ACP(ungliyaan zor zor se hilti hui): Mere liye toh bas ek laash le aao.

KISSA GHANE JUNGLE KA

Abhijeet: Hain ?? Myyyy Goddd !! Yahan toh door door tak Darwaza hi nahin hai.

ACP(ungliyaan hilaate hue, eyebrows raised): Ohhhhh !!! Kuch toh gadbad hai... Khooni bada chalaak hai. Usne Jungle mein laash faenk di taaki Daya ko Darwaza naa mile.

Daya(like a sad puppy): Mujhe Darwaza chahiye, Darwaza ! :(

Abhijeet(just cant control saying "Hain"): Hain ?? Darwaza chahiye ? Ab tere liye Forrest mein bhi Darwaza lagayoon kya.

Salunkhe: Forensic lab aur Koogle.com ke bina case kaise solve hoga ?

Fredricks: Mujhe darr lag raha hai yahaan. Mujhe apni biwi ke paas jaana hai.
Listening to all this ACP comes in a state of shock and starts shaking his fingers like crazy.

Seeing this everyone asks ACP as to what has happened to him and why the fuck doesn't he stop shaking his fingers.

To this the ACP replies: Arrey case gaya bhaad mein. Daya, Gaadi nikaalo. Abhijeet poore sheher ke har doctor ke paas jao aur PATA LAGAO ki yeh saali meri ungliyon ka ilaaj kahan milega.

Dekh kya rahe ho Daya , Darwaza tod do !

CID team reaches a room where a dead body is supposed to be found.

ACP: Dekh kya rahe ho Daya, baar baar bolna padega kya..- Darwaza tod do !

Daya - Sir, main toh crime site pe pahunchte hi darwaza dhoondhta hoon. lekin iss kamre mein toh darwaza hi nahin hai.

Abhijeet: hain ? lagta hai khooni bahut chalaak hai. usse pata tha Daya darwaza todne zaroor aayega. usne bina darwaza ke kamre mein hee laash faenk di.

Fredricks: Sir, ab kya karen ?

ACP: Wapas chalo. iss kamre mein darwaza nahin hai. yeh case humse solve nahi hoga..

Some CID fun

Some jokes on the longest running laughter show on Indian Television - CID !!!!
It has all the cliches, with ACP Pradyuman shaking his fingers all the time, saying "Ohhhh", "Wahi tohhh", "Tumhe toh Faansi hogi Faansi", "Abhijeet, PATA LAGAO", and most famous of all : "Daya, Darwaza tod do!".

It has Abhijeet searching for suraag all the time, continously saying the words "Hain ??" and "Myyy Goddd!".

Daya is always breaking doors. And whenever he slaps someone, the culprit lands up in the bureau confessing everything. LOL

Fredricks is the Joker on the show. Cracking poor jokes, but still making us laugh coz welaugh at him, not the jokes :P

Salunkhe, wearing that funny wig on his head, conducting every test with the same chemical. Using Koogle.com to search on the internet. LMAO

Popular Videos

Recent Post